You Might be a White Guy

Let's face it, people; racial humor is HILARIOUS!!! Look at the evidence: Carlos Mencia, The Kings of Comedy, the PGA tour! So, in following with this, I'd like to make some of my own comedically broad, underinformed racial remarks. However, since I prefer to be non-offensive in my comical approach, I'll only make jokes about my ethicity/demographic. Thus, I give you "You might be a white guy if..."

- If you were poor when you graduated high school, so you had to settle for a state university, you might be a white guy.

- If you like beer, but make snippy comments when it's not micro-brewed, you might be a white guy.

- If you can't decide between the AE screenprint shirt that says "Well Hung Decorators" and "Chow Fun Chinese Restaurant", you might be a white guy.

- If you get really excited when "Livin' on a Prayer" comes on the radio (and bonus: you know all the words), you might be a white guy.

- If your girlfriend has to repeatedly ask you to stop addressing her as "dude", you might be a white guy.

- If you insist that there is a difference between rap and hip-hop (and subsequently claim that what you listen to is hip-hop), you might be a white guy. Also, you might be KRS-ONE.

- If you find yourself freely using the word Ghetto to explain a location or as an adjective to describe something of poor quality to a friend, you might be a white guy.

- If you pride yourself on being "old school", and let everyone know it, you might be a white guy.

- If the word "distressed" was used by the manufacturer to describe an article of clothing that you purchased, you might be a white guy.

- If you claim that you are only good at bags when you're drunk, you might be a white guy.

- If your main "move" at a club involves your arms being over your head, you might be a white guy.