A Brief Guide to Sworkin'

Folks, I don't know how many of you can sympathize with this situation, but I've got this thing - you may have heard people talk about it - called a "job". Now, at this "job", they have me do this thing called "work". This term is very vague and I am still confused, after about 10 years of supposedly doing it, as to what it entails. But, being the ingenious guy that I am, I decided that I'd one-up my supervisors and tweak this "work" notion so as to make it a bit more efficient (and by efficient, I mean "more conducive to surfing the interweb and reading"). Thus, I have invented a newer form of this concept, which I call "Sworking". Sworking is like a hybrid form of Slacking and Working. It's really just an "update" on the old working concept, Work2.o, if you will. And if my market research and focus grouping has taught me anything, it's that updates and hybrids are in, in, IN!!!

So, with this new concept in tow, her is the official S.O.M.B.Wi.S guide to sworkin'!

Preliminaries

First up, in order to do something this serious properly, you'll need to prepare. Like fighting in a duel, you must prepare mentally for the task at hand. Preparation for Sworking should consist mainly of sleeping. Any sleep that you can get past noon will only give you an advantage. Before you head off to "swork", get a good pre-swork meal in your stomach. This should consist of coffee (if it's hot, a Red Bull will do) and a Boston Creme (Kreme, if you're at Dunkin' Donuts) donut. Basically anything baked or fried that is filled with another type of thing is what you're going to want to look for; density is important.

Secondly, you'll need some tools to aid you in avoiding work. Once you're actually at work, and there are worky things to do all around you, it becomes a challenge to swork properly. It is much like that level in the Nintendo game "The Karate Kid", where a huge metal pendulum is swinging at you and you have to dodge it. So, that analogy being made, I suggest a tool like a book or the internet (if you have it on your phone, even better--this way you can quickly look as if you're working if someone were to enter your general area.) The internet is truly the best place to dispose of that extra work ethic you happen to have, and since work ethic is biodegradable, you don't have to worry about your carbon footprint!

Get to Sworkin'!

Once you have the tools and the right environment, you merely have to find a comfortable leaning position and start to get paid for doing very little. Now, I don't want people reading this to get the wrong impression. Sworking is NOT about not doing any work--that would be slacking or being lazy. No, when you are sworking, you are doing work, but just enough to get by. You're walking the fine line between working and totally slacking. You're blazing new territory! You're testing the boundaries, pushing the envelope! Scaredy-cats need not apply!

Well, don't just stand there, get to swork!