A Gentleman's Duel

Here at S.O.M.B.Wi.S, we're all about being gentlemanly. That's why we employ the ultimate Gentlemanly tool to settle disputes; the duel. There are many people, places, and things (read: nouns) that are just itchin' for their scores to be settled. So what, you may ask, is the main area of contention here? (read: where's the beef?) Well, there are many, but the biggest of them all is the name. How can two famous entities share the same name and NOT come to blows? Well, here, loyal reader, they will. Let the duelling commence!

Pee-Wee Herman vs. Pee Wee Hockey:
Admittedly, this is more of an undercard fight, but still, who really deserves this seemingly diminutive title? Herman has the bigger fan base (obviously), but hockey usually has
more blood and less public masturbation associated with it. It's a tough call, considering neither is very popular these days.

WINNER: Pee-Wee Herman. At the end of the day, he still has that laugh.

Rutger Hauer vs. Rutgers University
It's a veritable clash of the titans, as the Austrian born actor and Evil Replicant of the Blade Runner movie faces off against the highly respected American University. Both feature a rich history and undeniable influence on the Liberal Arts, but only one has that winning smile that's both a little evil and a little warm all at once.
WINNER: Rutger Hauer. Yeah, you could sleep with Rutgers University, but would you proudly tell the ladies in the sewing circle about it?

M.C. Hammer vs. M.C. Escher
This would not be an easy decision for even the most seasoned of judges. Both MCs are formidable opponents. One can confuse you with a landscape of impossible abstractions, while one is kick-ass with a pencil kit! But like we learned from Higlander....
WINNER: Escher finds out the hard way, he can't touch this.