In these times of Economic woe, it's understandable that Americans would look to a hero for answers. When times are tough, we need someone to guide us, someone who has been tested time and time again, and come out on top with wisdom to share. So where exactly can we find such a hero? Why, television, of course! So let us see how some of the great problem-solvers of TV-land would keep capitalism from devouring the earth like I do a feta cheese Omlette.
House M.D.- After initially misdiagnosing the crisis as poor fiscal policy, House goes home, swallows a handful of Vicodin, plops down on his bed, and stares out the window. Upon doing this, he sees two squirrels having squirrely relations and somehow comes to the conclusion that the problem is one of regulation and the risk proliferation of an unbridled marketplace. He then confronts congress, where he is met with skepticism, but somehow overcomes this by making snide remarks about the Senators' personal lives and giving them slightly degrading nicknames. Then, by simply giving everyone 5 dollars, he ends the recession, but still seems mildly irritated.
MacGuyver - At the 11th hour, right before the Treasury is about to inexplicably explode, MacGuyver goes before a Senate Subcommitee and requests a stick of gum, a pencil, and Congresswoman Barbara Boxer. He proceeds to the Washington Monument and reappears in 5 minutes, diving to the ground, as the monument explodes. The Dow climbs 3,000 points and MacGuyver reminds everyone to say no to drugs.
Danny Tanner- Danny sits the heads of the major commercial banks down on a racecar bed and explains to them in oversimplified terms why cheating is wrong. The bankers are confused for a second as he kisses them on the foreheads and makes a crack about Jessie's hair. The market rebounds and everyone simultaneously says "aaawwwwwww".
The Fonz- With a determined look on his face, Mr. Fonzarelli emerges from his "office" and proceeds to Wall Street. Once there, he whacks the side of the NYSE building, which prompts it to start working correctly again. America is then told to sit on it.
Hilarious! I love the Fonz: heyyyyyyyy!
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